Ever heard of the Birds Aren’t Real movement? The fact that a 24-year-old was able to start – and sustain – such an insane conspiracy theory and gain believers along the way? Phew… everybody just loves a good conspiracy theory, eh?

Yes, yes, Birds Aren’t Real is satire. But you know what isn’t satire? Fish aren’t real. And no, this is not even a conspiracy theory. This is science. From a cladist’s perspective. What is a cladist? A believer in cladistics. And they (rightfully) claim fish don’t exist. Tuna? Not a fish. Salmon? A cow actually. And that tasty-looking kingfish? Ask around in your family if someone’s disappeared lately.

Thanks for reading

Dolly. Baaaa.

P.S. If you have a pescatarian friend, forward this email to them? The Merovingian will bless.